Sunday, 31 October 2010


A well known on line source tells us about The Doldrums being an area of calm winds near the equator, then adds,

"Colloquially, to be in the doldrums, said especially of a person, is to be listless, despondent, inactive, stagnant, in a slump".

That's me then.

Why am I not getting on with the tasks at hand, why so much prevarication about what to shoot and why the reluctance to get the cameras out and just see what happens ?.

In my APEL application I remember talking about how my photography "just happens" and how I felt vunerable because that "method" of working was maybe unreliable. I am now not so sure that leaving that behind and being in a structure is such a good thing. There are a few issues that I have to deal with first. Number one is that some of the course projects I find quite mundane and a chore to complete rather than being exciting and interesting. I know this attitude is wrong and I need to try and find more within the projects and embrace them rather than just being a means to an end.

Photography, and how successful you are is about being confident. Judging yourself is more important than how a tutor may see your work, because they only see the final work, they see nothing of the thought or angst that lies behind the images. Anxiety and doubt about new work, whether it be a  success or failure is always at the back of my mind, and I know that if I prepare some work that is deemed a failure it will be months before I look at a camera again. This iterative process does lead to The Doldrums, a place where the thought of failure almost secures that outcome, if for no other reason than that Autumn will not last forever and if I don't shoot some work soon, it will be Winter and with no autumnal images failure is assured.

Maybe then this week then I will seize the moment, look at a weather forecast and just do it.

We will see.